This week I found myself having one of those “talks with myself,” where I tell it like it is and of course share it out there in the blog world. In short, I found myself in a state of panic over a slowly creeping weight gain (3-5 pounds) that had me at the 100 pound weight loss mark. I started to panic that if that weight gain continued and I could no longer say “Hey I lost 100 pounds.” I know that sounds vain, and silly but I had begun to wrap so much of my identity up in that number. A very unhealthy mindset to have. I have been struggling with concept of maintaining a weight loss, and training for the marathon in May. I found myself falling into that “YAHOO I just ran 32km and burned 2500 cals, BRING ON THE FOOD band wagon!” I actually found myself yelling at my husband one Saturday after he suggested that perhaps I had enough jujubes, and I yelled back 32km!!! I was also falling back into old habits, and stress eating. Stress would creep in and I would find my hand in the bag of choc chips. The post on my So Write blog tells the story so much better but in a nut shell that is where I found myself at the beginning of the week.
So I put it out there into the blog world, let my anxieties go, and felt an immediate relief, as well as support from my friends (this is one of the reasons why I blog, its therapeutic in so many ways.) I also told myself that I was going to do something somewhat radical for me this week and give up added sugar. No more Easter Chocolate, no more choc chips, no cupcakes, no jube jubes….did I say no more CHOCOLATE CHIPS? Usually I am an advocate for balance and that denying yourself something completely gives that food power over you, and can lead to binging (or at least in my case it can). But I really felt like I needed to break the CRAVING cycle that had a lock on me.
So I headed into the week with a fresh new attitude. I drank 4-5 liters of water each day, I exercised as I usually do, I got back into the “whole foods” approach to eating (and ate enough to fuel my active body), and I did not eat any choc chips! The sugar cravings had me on a few occasions doing epic battles in my head over a cupcake (yes we have left over birthday cupcakes in the freezer.) I blame it on Pinterest! (evil pictures of sweets all over the place) I do have to confess that solo parenting this week and cutting out my beloved chocolate was a little bit of a bold move. There may or may not have been an incident involving a certain mom throwing a bit of hissy fit at the grocery store in Barhaven this week. Clearly this mom needed some chocolate and a decent night’s sleep. But a bowl of homemade chia pudding (I added raw coca powder and agave nectar so a slight cheat on the sugar) and I was mostly satisfied and able to return to a state of motherly calm.
Well it worked, and I find myself down 3 pounds of weekend excess bloat.
Most of all I feel more like myself again. I know its easy to say this now that those few extra pounds have come off but I feel like I have let go of the number, I have put it out there said the words and that felt good. Letting go of added sugar this week, actually taught me that there can be a place for it, that I can enjoy it in moderation and get back to my healthy habits during the week and maintain my weight loss. I really can’t imagine life without wine, and some dessert. So I find myself finding that balance again, I like it here.