Katie: Taking inventory

I’ve been taking an inventory of sorts this past week. It started with a run just over a week ago, on a Saturday morning with a good friend of mine. I love our runs together, out early on a weekend, when I should be in pj’s drinking coffee and surfing the net, and instead she somehow gets my butt out the door for a run. We run and we talk. I love it. This particular run we talked about the scale and how for both of us we have gotten a bit ‘obsessed’ with getting on it everyday. So in the nature that is our friendship, we enjoy challenging each other, we set a new challenge not to get on it for a week. A whole week of not standing on the scale.

In all honesty, I was bit hesitant, it was such a part of my daily routine and quite frankly I like what it tells me. But I also hate that I like what it tells me. I hated that I was so attached to what the scale said, and I know (oh I know damn well how close that is to my disordered eating past) that’s not healthy for me, and that was sending off alarm bells in my head. So I went through a week without the scale, everything else was the same. I ate well, I exercised and I wanted to get on the scale for it tell me ‘Way to Go’. But I didn’t get on the scale and instead I told myself ‘way to go’. I have to admit it felt weird not getting on the scale and it felt a bit liberating as well. I felt ‘lighter’ actually. Friday came, and I cheated and got on the scale a day early knowing I would be indulging in a more ‘relaxed’ dinner and some wine (part of my trying to live a more ‘balanced’ lifestyle on the weekends) and was a bit miffed to see that my weight had stayed the same. I figured that because of my ‘effort’ in not getting on the scale there should have been some kind of reward. I lost sight of why I had stayed off it in the first place, it wasn’t for a weight loss reward, it was for a mental reward.

I got off the scale that day and thought about how far I had come, that I have lost 92 pounds and I have gained so much more. I went through my day thinking a lot about what I have gained. That night brushing my teeth I noticed my arms…yes my arms..and I thought HEY NOW…those are looking pretty good. I have hated my arms for so very long, so big and fatty and don’t get my started on the flags….but now…now they look muscular and I dare say the flags are shrinking. I did something crazy and I got down to my skivvies and really REALLY LOOKED AT MYSELF in the mirror. You have to understand that I spent years and years avoiding that mirror. That I dreaded catching a glimpse of myself in it. I hated my body. To this day I still often look at the mirror with one eye closed, out of habit. YES with one eye closed. How telling is that. But that night I took stock. I’m not shameful to say that for once I liked what I saw. Yes I still have a saggy, mushy belly, and a lot of skin that likely will never go away on its own. But I am ok with that. I like my muscular legs and toned arms enough to be ok with the ‘pouch’. I got out my diary and I made a list. A list of things that mean more to me then that number on the scale. First I wrote down my children’s names, and my husband’s name. Then I wrote down speed, endurance, and strength. I am so proud of my physical abilities, and get such a high from accomplishing new feats. I don’t want to sacrifice that for weight loss. Writing that list put things in perspective for me. The thing is I know myself and if I let myself get too caught up in the ‘weight’ part of this journey, I will sacrifice the things on that list. Namely the people’s names I wrote down on that list. So I am working really hard to stay sane, to stay strong, and to live a ‘healthy life’.

Part of living that healthy life is doing things like:

  • deciding to run a marathon in May, you have to take care of yourself to do that :)
  • making fitness dates with new friends, like I did this past Sunday with a member from Losing it in Ottawa, she has inspired me to achieve new STRENGTH goals (she is so strong and beautiful)
  • working out with my friends and talking, sharing our ups and downs and supporting each other
  • setting new fitness goals to keep the focus off the scale (like the run 50 miles in Nov challenge, and getting more serious about the ‘Strength’ portion of my training

I wanted to share this picture, because when I look at it I see a FIT person, I'm starting to show some muscle. The picture on the right was taken Sept 9, and the one on the right Oct 29th. 11 pounds difference, nutrition did not change, the only real change made was moving into the 'Strength/Burn' phase of my training.

About Katie Squires

I am a stay at home mom, with two little girls ages 3 and 5. A former couch potato turned fitness enthusiast, I am on a mission to empower other women to live their best active life. You can follow me at http://fitmominbarrhaven.com/
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12 Responses to Katie: Taking inventory

  1. Rachel Tops says:

    Amazing post! You know what I took from this post as well.. you are getting to that stage where weight loss will no longer be a goal and maintaining will be! I was waiting for your marathon announcement .. you will do so well! As for the scale … I think it’ll always be that devil on your shoulder .. you are just at the point that your angel is out shining it .. WINK!

    Loves ya .. so PROUD!

  2. Katie Squires says:

    Rachel, THANK-YOU :)

  3. Shona says:

    Katie, you are amazing! I think that using the scale once a week is enough to keep tabs on things… and that you are focused on the right stuff – eating well, mental health, and exercise. 92 pounds is such an amazing feat, but especially because you did it in a healthy way that can be maintained. Way to go, girl!

    • Katie Squires says:

      That’s the key isn’t it, that this is for a lifetime…and I feel I did it right this time, that this is a lifestyle I can maintain…I just need to keep ‘loving’ myself along the way :) wink

  4. Karen Melbourne says:

    Wow Katie, I have to say I love reading your posts, they are so well written and you should seriously think about writing a book (on anything because I believe it would sound good no matter what subject you write on). Some of your points hit home with me, although the scale is not one of them as I haven’t had one in the house in probably 2 yrs and the only time I get weighed now is at the dr’s office *sigh*. You look freakin’ amazing, love your mental state, and your overall outlook on life, family and friends :) I thought I would note that I found some old pics of Navcan, I had a few of you and couldn’t believe the transformation! You rock girlfriend, keep inspiring myself and all the other people around you as I believe it is your calling now :) xo

  5. Katie Squires says:

    ahhhhh Karen, you always make me smile, thank-you :)

  6. JennyB says:

    Awesome post, Katie! Congratulations – you look amazing!

  7. Wow. You look great! Love the muscles!

  8. Katie Squires says:

    I think muscles are my new favorite thing…I don’t want to be skinny I want to be SUPER GIRL! :)

  9. S'Faune says:

    Amazing post Katie.. thanks for sharing that!

  10. Sasha says:

    You’re awesome, Katie. I love seeing your pictures. YOU GO GIRL!

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