Sara – Week 6 – Ah-ha and AHHHH moments

Do you remember the moment?  That made you give up on yourself?  Start exercising?  Throw out the scale?  Get fit?  Want to hide in a corner and cry?

I’ve been fat for over ten years now.  There are a lot of ‘ah-ha’ and ‘AHHH’ moments.  The moments that tipped the scale in favour of throwing in the towel on my exercise and eating habits.  The moments that spurred me into action.


When I was 22, my husband was on the periphery of a tragedy.  I was at work one late Sunday afternoon when I got a call on my cell phone.  The first words out of his mouth were “I’m okay.  I’m safe.  I’m fine”.  He had taken the dogs for a walk in the riverbed, the riverbed where we spent our summers wading in the water and sunbathing.  A hydro damn opened unexpectedly and a mother and her son were killed.  My husband left the riverbed moments before the damn opened.   

We were married five days later in a garden, surrounded by only our closest family and a handful of friends.  It was a Thursday afternoon in July.  All that mattered was that we loved each other.  Life was too precious to wait.

The day we were married I was the heaviest I have ever been.  I wore a lacy white dress and my hair and make-up had been done professionally.  Yet there is only one photo in our house of that day.  My disgust with how I looked overshadows one of the most important moments in our life because I’m too embarrassed to look at the pictures.  When I see the photo, hidden away on the dresser in our room, it reminds me of what I want from my life.  Photos everywhere, a life on display, to be proud of who I am and what I look like. 

Left Behind

When the monkey was 3 months old I decided that it was time to get in shape.  I joined a mom and baby fitness class that ran twice a week while the firefighter was in preschool and then decided that I would load both kids into the beastly Graco double stroller and join a local Strollercise group. 

On the first morning we arrived early.  It was sunny and warm.  There was a group of 15 moms assembled and ready to head off.  I was nervous about coming without friends but figured with a large group there’d be plenty of people to talk to.

I was the only one there with a double stroller.  The instructor started talking about the learn-to-run component of the program.  Run?  When I checked the website it described walking, jogging, or running.

We headed off, a pack of strollers, down the side-walk.  As pairs of friends pushed by with their single strollers, I soon found myself at the back of the pack.  I was the last to cross a nearby intersection.  We headed off into the nearby neighbourhood and soon the entire group started to jog.  No one, including the instructor, looked back.  I tried jogging but I was out of shape and double strollers aren’t meant for speed.  Especially when they’re packed with two kids and all the necessary supplies.  The group soon turned a corner.  No one stopped.  The instructor never wavered.  I eventually turned around and went home.

Obviously I was too fat to exercise.  What was the point?  A week later I dropped out of the exercise class too. 

What was your turning point?  What happened to ignite your losing it journey?  Or stall it?  What do you tell yourself to get through those moments?

Getting Down to Business

1. Lose an average of 1.5 pounds a week:  Oh the power of community.  I was bummed about not losing any weight this week.  Really bummed.   This is what the post originally read “Fail.  Again.  Hence the need for some inspiration this week.  No gain, no loss.  Unbelievably frustrating given my activity level and caloric intake (in comparison to the previous six months).”

After virtual cheer-leading and a few reality checks I’m still disappointed.  But not as much.  Yesterday I shopped for clothes at Old Navy.  It’s not a fat girl store.  That’s how I’ll measure my success this week!

2. Use a food journal every day:  Every calorie gets logged into Spark People.  Because by the time lunch comes, I have forgotten what I ate for breakfast and a morning snack.  When I don’t write it down, its easy to lie about what I actually ate.

3. Discover new and healthy ways to snack:  How did I ever live without vache qui rit cheese?  And rice crackers? 

4. To meal plan and try at least 1 new recipe a week:  I bought several roasts (on sale) and then called one of my best friends and she walked me through preparing a roast in a crock pot with onions, carrots, and potatoes.  It was delicious!

5. To exercise for 3 hours a week

I’m pretty pleased with myself this week.  I was active for almost 4 hours and I finished the 3rd week of Couch 25k. 

Sunday – Day off
Monday – Week 3, Day 1, Couch 25k (20 minutes walk/run intervals)
Tuesday – Jillian Michaels No More Trouble Zones DVD (40 minutes)
Wednesday – 40 Minute Powerwalk (4 KM), Pushing stroller (75 lbs)
Thursday – Week 3, Day 2, Couch25k (20 minutes walk/run intervals), 60 minute Hatha yoga class
Friday – Walked 4 km (4o minutes)
Saturday – Week 3, Day 3, Couch 25k (20 minutes walk/run intervals), Walked 3.5 km (45 minutes)

6. To incorporate mindfulness and meditation into my daily life: How about weekly?  60 minutes of Hatha counts!


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27 Responses to Sara – Week 6 – Ah-ha and AHHHH moments

  1. Shona says:

    Sara, I think you need to remove the fail from your blog (with regard to weight loss – staying the same this week). You lost SO much the first month that your body is still trying to catch up. That kind of loss can’t go on like that forever, even if you are doing everything right. I’m sure that if you keep at it like you are, the scale will show you what you want again soon. I am totally inspired by the amount of exercise you are doing!!!

    PS: I think the instructor of that strollercize class was a dud if he never looked back to make sure everyone was keeping up. For me, my moment was seeing horrible photographs popping up everywhere (it wasn’t just one) and realizing I just felt like trash physically.

    • eisangel3 says:

      The fail is gone. I think my new update is much more positive :) I am so proud of the exercise – I need to remember that. Thank you for reminding me. It really helped this morning! And I’m still horrified by the strollercise class.

  2. Lara says:

    I agree with Shona – when you worked hard and nothing happened I think it’s usually your body just wanting to slow down a bit. I’m sure it’s a little (alot) WTF SARA!??! 10 years we’ve been JUST FINE like this – piss off! ;)

    So ya, one week with no loss is ok, and I bet it evens out in the end. Like the week I lost nothing and lost 3 the next. Not promising or anything, but I think we all need to accept plateaus are coming and hope for the best they are mini.

    I did one class of strollercize and the instructor stayed towards the back and if nothing else made me feel guilty for the walking (not on purpose, that was all me – I get too self conscious that I am holding people back so obviously there was no winning) and I remember thinking people in the class were less “HI NEW MOM, LET’S CHAT!” and more I’m here with the people I know already, than I expected. I went with a friend too though so it wasn’t the end of the world and the friend might have stopped strangers from talking to me.

    I like pringles stix and 90 calorie Kelloggs granola bars…

    Wow, I’m babbling this morning. Good for you for all that exercise. Good for you for staying on track. You go girl! :)

    • eisangel3 says:

      Oh I needed a laugh this morning. My body is calling me all sorts of dirty words right now. It misses fat and calories ;)

      I updated my post after reading everyone’s comments. I do feel better. A lot better. And I needed to here the support today. I am now going to run off the sadness of having the preschool teachers peel DS2 off my legs sobbing this morning :(

  3. Donna says:

    can I just say that it’s not a fail….your goal was to lose an averge of 1.5 pounds a week. Looking at your total weight loss over 6 weeks ends up at more than 1.5 on average. be kind to youself. i dn’t like seeing fail beside your name, since you are doing amazing.

    I had a poor experience with stroller size too….was the only person to not be running in my group and i didn’t go back. And i was alone and no one talked to me….I used to get sooo self conscious doing new mom things in the glebe ….seemed i was (and am!) pretty much the only overweight new mama…..

    • eisangel3 says:

      I’m sorry you had the same experience. It appears we are not alone! I’ve talked to a lot of moms who were really disappointed after going.

      The fail is gone. Replaced by “I bought clothes at a non-fat girl store” this weekend :)

  4. Jill Swedersky says:

    I am sad to hear the stories about stollercize – I have never been but I was under the impression that it was a walking program for everyone. I am far from overweight but am definitely not in shape to run – I hate running, it makes me feel like throwing up – and if they are going to offer strollercize, it should accommodate all of us. Now I guess I’ll probably never go!

    Keep your chin up, Sara!

    • eisangel3 says:

      Chin up!!! Have updated the fail comment to reflect a more positive attitude. Measuring with clothes instead of pounds this morning :) After my experience I wouldn’t reccomend the strollercise. It was pretty demoralizing.

      Now I’m going to run. And hopefully not throw up ;)

  5. Chantal says:

    I agree, remove fail from your post. We can’t measure success by weight loss alone. You are getting fit, you are eating healthier and I hope you are feeling better. Are you?

    My ah-ha moment was when I contemplated never being able to wear my wedding ring again.

  6. Shannon says:

    I agree with Chantal that success can’t be measured by weight loss alone. If you have more energy than you started with…if you are making and enjoying new healthy and delicious recipes…if you are completing your couch to 25k program…if you are sticking with staying active and remaining committed to your goals….THAT IS AWESOME PROGRESS! Everyone will have days or weeks where they feel they could do better but remember the big picture that you are moving forward and not backwards. You are doing an awesome job!

    • eisangel3 says:

      Yes, yes, yes, yes to all of the above :) Started week 4 of the couch 25k this morning. Owww….

      Thanks Shannon. I’m feeling better already!! But I swear the scale better show a loss next Sunday :P

  7. Erin says:

    Hun you look FAB :)

    :you go girl.

    Just think of hanging out with a few thousand people screaming your name clapping and cheering, bands playing, the sun shining :)

    BTW, I ordered some sunshine for October 2.

    • eisangel3 says:

      Thank you for not outing me for eating chips on Saturday ;)

      WHAT??!?!? There are going to be people at the run. Watching us??? Eeek :P

      I signed up for the 10 K today. You better be doing this with me!!!

  8. Rebecca Visscher says:

    I was way too shy to join a strollercise group of any kind….
    So I bought a jogging stroller and took my beautiful baby boy jogging along the road I live on. I was still wearing my maternity jogging pants (which were fairly wide legged, but the only pants I owned that fit me). I took a stride, the pant leg went over my shoe and I took the worst fall EVER. The stroller bounced across the road and into the ditch (with my poor child). I was bleeding from both knees and the face. A man saw the whole thing and rushed to help us. Thankfully, my son was just fine, but that was the last time I ever attempted more than a WALK (with him). I got a treadmill for Mother’s Day and that was that.
    Sara…it was the scariest experience EVER!!!!

    P.S. I know how much is sucks when a week passes, without the number on the scale going down (especially when you’ve been working HARD). You are probably just retaining more water this week or whatever, it will continue to go down…!

    • eisangel3 says:

      Oh good grief that is awful. And painful! I’m glad someone stopped to help. This group was so far ahead they wouldn’t have even seen my fall. I think I’ll stick to walking with friends :)

      I hope it goes down next week too!! Fingers are crossed.

  9. Erin says:

    how about a 10k in NYC ;)

  10. I want to go kick the leader of that group in the A#@!!!!!
    that must have been a very awful thing to have happen.

    When you talked about wanting pictures everywhere of you living life…I had the goosebumps :)

  11. eisangel3 says:

    I do want pictures!! Especially lots of ‘after’ ones :) I had plenty of bad-karma sort of thoughts about the leader ;)

  12. Dorrie says:

    i have to say that when you talked about your wedding photos and how embarrassed you were … it’s how i have felt for 5 years… i am always behind the camera… never in front… and when i started to loose weight on this journey i’m on now.. i still will only take head shots… i want pics of me living life too…
    i need tissue…LOL…
    loved this post..

  13. Cindy says:

    Glad you removed the fail. Your body is probably saying WTF?! Your losses to this point have been awesome! Good for you for signing up for the 10k! When I joined my first running group 8 years ago, before kids, it was a wonderfully supportive group with the motto that noone was left behind. When we were running hill repeats behind Parliament I made some great friends that I still have today because of the encouragement we had for each other. Now as a new mom I’m hesitant to join one of those strollercize groups for fear of being left behind. Brings back too many adolescent hangups. Let me know if you’d like a walking or running buddy. I’d love to meet up!

    • eisangel3 says:

      I’m really excited about the 10k. It will give me motivation through the long winter months! So far I’m just doing it on my own but I will probably join a group this spring to prepare. Don’t not (hello double negative) try a strollercize group because of what happened to us – people keep doing them so they must be getting something out of them ;) I think like all things you get good and bad leaders / participants. And I would love to go walking! Especially with the cool weather here :)

  14. Karen F says:

    You know what you need to do Sara? When you reach your goal weight, you need to go back to that garden and re-enact your wedding on your 10th or 15th anniversary (or even your next one), and get new photos! And plaster them all over your house. Or if you can’t, just make new memories w/your hubby all dressed up and get lots of photos of that.

  15. Sara says:

    We actually had two weddings so I got my beautiful photos :) I dropped 40 pounds because we had already started planning our wedding when the accident happened. We had a 2nd event 15 months later. I looked great! BUT our 10 year anniversary is in less than 2 years. It would be fun to something for that :)

  16. Pingback: Barbara – Week 7 – Working hard when working out | Losing It In Ottawa

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