Melodie – Finding the right headspace

I missed my last blog post and I think I came pretty close to missing this one – and that is unusual for me. You’d think with a broken leg and so much time with my leg up in the air, resting, I’d be more likely to make my blog posts. The truth is my motivation has far less to do with time and far more with my headspace – and I’m not in a very “Losing It In Ottawa” headspace right now.

Partly this feels like such a huge setback in my journey towards becoming… well… an athlete. It feels so odd to say that. I’ve read so many posts by all the runners on this blog talking about being athletes, and I’ve never felt that way. I’ve felt like… a fairly sedentary person who occasionally moves. Oh, I walk, I bike, I take the occasional yoga class, I swim once in awhile, but never in my life have I really gotten consistent. Gym memberships have gone mostly unused. And then suddenly this summer, everything changed. I started roller derby training and suddenly I was training for something. I went unfailingly to my practices, except for one sick week and two weeks when I was in BC. I went to the bike paths between practices to get extra time on my skates. Bit by bit, week by week, I saw myself improving, and what’s more, I was loving it.

At my last practice, I felt like a star. I was starting to learn crossovers, which were super hard for me; I skated on one leg across the entire gym floor. All my hard work was paying off and I was starting to feel like a skater, like an athlete. And then in the last five minutes of practice, my legs went out from under me and I immediately knew my left leg was broken.

Five weeks and one surgery later, I am starting to see the finish line. I have two weeks left until my doctor’s appointment, where, with any luck, I’ll be given weight-bearing status and start physio and walking again. I am lucky – I’m young, and it’s much easier for young people to heal from bad injuries. Still, it’s so hard to be patient, and not to feel like the rug got pulled out from under my feet. I was doing so well – for the first time in my life – so enthusiastic about exercise – and I just can’t wait to get back to that place. And the reality is, this time, it is going to hurt more, it is going to be harder, and before I can get on skates it is going to take a lot of walking and swimming and other, easier activities. Maybe, though, this time, the knowledge that everything I do is training to get back to derby will keep me going.

I also haven’t felt the blog love because my diet hasn’t been fabulous. With so much lying around I’ve been eating out of boredom and have definitely allowed my sugar addiction to come back full force. I went to my boyfriend’s mom’s for dinner the other day and she fed me salmon with spinach and broccoli and I started remembering… I love healthy food. Later in the week I was in the mood for a snack and started to ask for chocolate and then somehow I said, “May I have an apple and some cottage cheese?” and of course found myself thoroughly enjoying my healthy snack. So I will find my good eating headspace again, I know I will. It seems crazy but old habits die hard and sometimes even with several years of healthy eating behind me I still forget that I actually prefer to eat well.

So here’s to getting my head screwed on straight again, and please everyone send me your good vibes that I will get my weight-bearing status on Sept 25!

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One Response to Melodie – Finding the right headspace

  1. Caroline says:

    When we find passion, everything seems to feel easier (diet, exercise, life in general). When we aren’t able to feed that passion, it can feel excrutiating (figuratively) to be away from it. We lose focus, we feel down, we lack motivation. The “raison d’etre” has left, right? Nope. it is there, waiting for you. You have found something you want to invest in, your roller derby. Once you are able to lace your skates back up, it will come back easily, and you will get to that place again, likely faster than you realize. Stay strong, and by voicing your concerns here, you have helped to put them to rest and focus on the future!

    Best of luck on the 25th, and here’s to a speedy rehab once you are on your feet!

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