Barbara – Talking kindly to myself

Months ago, I signed up for the Hypothermic Half, inspired by all of the half-marathons that Jennifer ran last fall. Last Sunday was the day and I woke up – mostly hadn’t slept – feeling awful. I got myself to the starting line, though. To make a long story short, I ran a while and then I stopped.

I said many things to myself on the long trip home – travelling from The Marshes in Kanata to the east end where I live by public transit – gave me lots of time for reflection. Much of what I said was unquestionably and entirely true. Other statements certainly had a kernel of truth. None were particularly kind to me and yet some implied that I am not entirely responsible for myself. I stewed mostly silently. I suffered the embarrassment of not meeting a goal without comment. (Pride is an awful thing!)

On Monday night, during my weekly call for the Reasonable Diet program, Sandra Ahten talked us through how to deal with a craving that is counter to our intention of eating to lose weight. She said to approach it as though it were our kids asking to go through a drive-in. We’d tell them “no” right? We’d explain that we had healthy food at home and remind them of the nutritious food they’d eaten recently. We might offer to play “I Spy” or listen to a favourite CD. We wouldn’t give in to pleading that tried to get us to deviate from our plan. Through it all, we would be kind.

I’ve been working on re-framing the experience in my conversations with myself. I’m trying to listen to the truths but find the positive next step. I’m calling B.S. on the excuses that I made because they undermine me and my ability to do it differently next time.

Tale of the Scale
I lost a pound early in this two-week period and have sat steady. I’m starting a two-period of “clean eating”. I’m giving up caffeine, refined sugar and sweeteners, white flour and white bread. Unfortunately, I’m not sure that they’ll give up on me easily. I’m going to limit my intake of processed foods – once I figure out what that means to me. Canned beans and canned tomatoes and soup broth figure prominently in what I eat. It’ll be a work in progress. Just like I am.

Moving it
Thank goodness for skiing! If only I could go more. Work can be inconvenient sometimes :) Reid and I almost skated in the Energizer Night Skate but inclement weather meant only kids were allowed onto the Rink of Dreams. I’m recommitting to the gym and would love a lunchtime gym buddy, if you’re downtown.

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8 Responses to Barbara – Talking kindly to myself

  1. Cindy says:

    I’m not downtown, so I can’t commit to being your workout buddy, but I’m cheering you on anyway. Good for you for keeping up the momentum, even after a rough experience.
    -Cindy

  2. Shona says:

    It’s so easy to get down on ourselves, isn’t it? It usually doesn’t help our cause either. I love the analogy of the child begging for drive through. My inner child has been noisy lately, and it really can be challenging, but you’re so right, we need to be kind to ourselves. You are back on the right path, and you can so do this! (Plus, I think it’s impressive that you made your attempt at the run when you felt so lousy, a lot of us might have blown it off completely!)

  3. Katie Squires says:

    Glad to hear your talking kindly to yourself. I’m impressed you made it to the race and gave it a try despite feeling so awful. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to put the brakes on…the self talk you would have been having. You have achieved some pretty great things, and have a lot to be proud of. Keep being kind to that pretty special Barbara :)

  4. Lara C W says:

    I’m sorry you are feeling frustrated with yourself right now. From everything I’ve read and following you and others on this blog it seems you have had SO many accomplishments so far. Try to have some perspective looking back over the last year etc – taken as a whole a pretty positive experience so far this journey, yes?

    I’m often guilty of an all or nothing approach – because there are so many things I want to do and achieve and I have the drive to do it. But we can’t do everything all the time exactly how we want.

    Your clean eating plan sounds great. I found cutting out a lot of the refined flours and sugars helped with low energy and mood. Not sure if you are taking a phased in approach or not, but maybe set smaller goals for each 1-2 week phase (same as you would SMART goals for fitness). Cutting out all that at once might be super hard to maintain. I know people do it with cleanses and such, but a gradual weaning from one product at a time might be more achievable, plus motivating as you cross one thing at a time off the list and monitor your progress. :)

    I know for some people they need to just go big or go home – not sure what works for you, but….set yourself up for success. You have already had so much success! The half marathon is a blip. It’s not your whole journey. You’ll do another and you’ll complete it and you’ll move on. :)

    Where do you workout? Have you asked around your office to find a workout buddy? If I was back at work already I would definitely help you out on that one! Keep up the great work and remember how far you’ve come and how much joy it has given you! Keep focusing on the positive like you said and you can kick that itty-bitty-shitty-club sitting on your shoulder to the curb. You’ll feel much better. ;)

  5. Tracey says:

    I love that analogy! It’s so true-we speak kindly to our children and loved ones and yet are hard on ourselves or find excuses for our behaviors. Definitely something to keep in mind!

  6. New Goal: You. Me. May Race Weekend 1/2. :) ? Registration is 80% sold out.
    be there ;) xoxo
    be kind to yourself too

    -E.

  7. Pingback: Reality Vs Expectation | Losing It In Ottawa

  8. Pingback: Tracey: Reality Vs Expectation | Losing It In Ottawa

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