Tracey: Intro’s And Weight Woes

Hello All! Let me start this by saying that I am SO excited to be included in such a supportive and embracing community! I’m, by nature, a more private person when it comes to my struggles and anxieties, but when the opportunity arose to blog for “Losing It In Ottawa” I had to try! I waffled before hitting “send” on my email to be considered as a blogger,  worrying about talking about my weight challenges “out loud.”  I decided to just DO IT anyway,  knowing what a wonderful group I’ve seen formed here and the great paths the bloggers have been on.  I’m glad to be a part of it all!

My story is probably like countless other women’s out there, and that relating is what makes the sharing so important.  If we’re all going through this, to some degree, why not figure it out together, right?

I never worried about weight as a kid, even into my early teens.  In fact, I ate pretty much whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, in truck driver quantities.  I like food. A lot. I’m often planning my dinner at breakfast.  I pin recipes and meal ideas on ”Pinterest” like nobody’s business.  I grew up in a family where events were focused on delicious foods and where comfort was often found in my favourite treats.

The problem started when I was about sixteen years old, I guess. I gained a bunch of weight that year, probably for a variety of reasons, such as alcohol consumption, less activity, home life, hormones, teen angst, and just eating whatever I felt like when the mood struck.  I struggled with that weight gain (about 20 lbs) until I was 18 years old and lost it all and more by running around a sprawling University campus.

I met my future husband the next year and stayed pretty fit for many years after that.  Even at my “lowest” weight, I was always thinking I should lose another 10 lbs or take a smaller size. Oh, to have that weight again! What’s that saying? “If I could only be as skinny as I was when I used to think I was fat?”  Something along those lines. You get the idea.

I’m an Early Childhood Educator and once I started working in daycare centers, the real trouble began. I would snack when the kids had snacks, plus what I ate at home. I definitely was NOT watching what I was eating or finding the time to get much exercise in my daily routine. The weight started creeping on pretty quickly. Some people say it’s impossible to gain 5 lbs in a week, well, I’m here to tell you if anyone can do it, it’s me.

I then got pregnant with my first daughter and had a terrific pregnancy. I can’t blame a huge gain on that, at all.  Nope, my problem was not losing much of it afterwards! I started a home daycare, which I then ran for the next 10+ years. In that time I also had my second daughter. The weight at this point had crept up to my highest weight ever.  I was miserable but just couldn’t seem to care enough to actually do anything about it.

Luckily for me, I have fantastic friends that started to kick my butt a little.  I joined a gym with a good friend who would come pick me up three times a week and off we’d go to the gym at 6am.  I’d follow her routine and watch my food intake more closely during the day, writing down what was going into my mouth. Slowly but surely the weight started to come off. When I say slowly, I truly mean SLOWLY.  My siblings and I joke about the horrendous metabolisms we’ve inherited. You know, joke through the tears and all of that. Ahem.

I got to a “better” weight but definitely not where I should be ideally. I’ve hovered around that weight, going up and down 10-15lbs depending on my emotional or life state, for the last 5 years or so.

Here I am today. I’m approximately a year and a half away from turning 40 and sick and tired of having weight and self-image hold me back.  I am done with going to the beach with my family but not wearing a bathing suit, or not swimming unless I have a tank top on like I’m ten again.  I’m done with not being in any single family photo because I hate the way I look in every one. I’m done with going out for a nice evening and fidgeting all night with my clothing because I feel self-conscious about how it’s clinging to parts where I’d rather it didn’t cling. I’m tired of not dressing in my true style because those clothes just wouldn’t look good on me.  I’m done feeling like I just have no control over this whole thing.

Losing weight to look good is one aspect of wanting to do this, of course.  If we say it isn’t, we’re all lying! However, with a family history of heart disease, it goes much deeper than just vanity.  I want to be around for a long, long time! I don’t want to be the Granny that can’t go on walks and hikes, can’t ride a bike, can’t keep up in general with her grandkids.  Nope, not for me. I have lots I want to do and see and I want health to be a priority.

I also have two daughters, and more than anything, I want them to see that while I’m trying to be the best Mom that I can be and that my family is truly my priority, part of that job is taking care of myself as well. I’ve forgotten that along the way, somewhere. It’s important to me that they know that you should eat well and be active every day and that looking good comes second to feeling good and being healthy.

In the next 8 weeks, I’m hoping to lose 15+lbs and to journal what I’m eating so that I can keep my eye on the prize. I signed up for my first ever Booty Camp Fitness classes, and I’ll be attending those 2x a week as well. My mindset is on health and lifestyle, once and for all. This has to be a new way of life-not a diet or a way to try to look smokin’ for some special event.

I’m seeking a new normal. I’m hoping you’ll all help me find it. I’m always open to advice, encouragement and with some goading-even trying new things! Don’t just read and follow me here-I relish you pushing and commenting and bringing insight and positivity!

I’m eager to get started, and look forward to having you all as my “team.”

LET’S DO THIS THING!

PS It was next to impossible to find a photo of myself to include in this introductory post! Just a testament again to how little I allow myself to be photographed!

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