Losing It has been a lot of things if not a relentless exercise in “lets see what else I can do that makes me extraordinarily uncomfortable”
Like posting unflattering photos of myself on the internet (check)
Wearing spandex in public (check)
Getting up at 5 am to go to the gym (check)
And how about strapping on roller skates (something I’ve never in my life done). And trying to remain standing while wearing the aforementioned rollerskates (something I have a history of failing at, please refer to the knee-blowout of 2002 via good old fashioned ice skates). And what about trying something new and uncomfortable in front of other people (something I love to do because if you’re going to fall, why not do it in front of an audience)
Why not try roller derby? Something I never would have done a year ago because I was (a) too self-conscious (b) too unfit to even struggle with getting the equipment on let alone getting up on my feet (c) too afraid to try anything I might possibly fail at or (heaven forbid) look silly in front of others doing. Blogging about my weight loss journey has thankfully broken what remained of my self-consciousness and concern about what others think
That’s me, clinging to the side of the arena thinking “I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall, I’m gonna fall”
An hour later that’s me holding onto the back of of a Pain of Train thinking “Faster! Faster!”
Much to the disappointment of some of my friends I didn’t participate in my first bout or hip check anyone. Because as cool as roller derby is (thank you Drew Barrymore) there is a lot of rules and a lot to learn.
- If you’re going to fall don’t take anyone with you. As scary as it is to go down alone, its not fair to take someone with you. Much like weight loss: if you’re falling (or metaphorically failing), yell out for help to get back up – don’t drag other people down with you (and that giant piece of chocolate cake)
- Skills first, then bout. You need to learn the skills (falling, cross-overs, stopping) before you’re ready to bout. Much like weight loss where its not wise to do anything drastic like eat only 800 calories a day, try to run 10 K before you can run 5 K or consider surgery before you’ve exercised and tracked your caloric intake.
- The best derby girls fall alot. Don’t be afraid to fall. If you stay in a squat position you’re more likely to fall forward (which will hurt less) even though that means you’re probably travelling faster. Falling hurts but a lot less than flailing around madly trying to stay upright (and then falling). Much like weight loss when you flail about grasping at anything to keep going, trying anything, frantically trying to just stay afloat, its usually worse than keeping to what’s simple and what you know works (fall on your knees). Fall down, figure out why you fell, dust yourself off (ask for help), and get back up and try again. Much like me, who has gained 5 pounds, and needs help to get back on track. I fell. Now it’s time to get back up.
- Safety first. You don’t stand on the rink unless you’ve got your helmet and safety gear on. And check your gear again before you start skating and during breaks. Falling is inevitable so make sure you’re protected. Much like weight loss where you need to protect yourself from binging (easily accessible treats), lack of exercise (not making time), and creeping scale numbers (not tracking food intake)
Who would have thought I’d learn so much in two hours on roller skates :) What started me down this introspective derby path? Well I have Amy to thank for getting me to derby and a blog post from Dr. Freedhoff for the increasingly dizzingly high levels of introspection of late. His post on “10 useful Twitter sized weight management truisims” really hit home for me.
- “If you can’t happily eat any less, you’re not going to eat any less”: I need to eater healthier, whole foods so I feel like I’m eating more. So I feel full and not dieting, which is what smacked me in the face at the beginning of June. I was hungry all the time, not losing weight, and frustrated.
- “If you can’t happily exercise any more, you’re not going to exercise more“: After May Race Weekend I realized I was burned out and miserable. I cannot be a full-time parent, run my own business, and workout at a high intensity level five days a week without strongly how feeling pulled in 101 different directions feels.
- “If you don’t like the life you’re living, you’re not going to keep living that way“: See #2. The lead-up to Race Weekend was a wake-up call. I was fit and healthy but I missed my life – time with friends, down time, and relaxation.
- “If you accept your personal best at everything else in life, why not weight?”: I need this to be my screensaver.
- “If you can’t use food both for comfort and celebration then you’re on a diet that ultimately you’re going to quit“: This is key as is the statement immediately following it (for me) but that’s not an excuse to overindulge now and start tomorrow (START NOW)
- “Simply tolerating your life isn’t good enough“: Think we covered that in 2 & 3 – there are not 29 hours in a day and I need to stop trying to live like there are
- “There are some things in your life, affecting your weight, that you’re not going to be able to change“: I have accepted and embraced my body type. I will never be a super model, or a size 8, and I’m okay with that.
- “Your best weight is whatever weight you reach, when you’re living the healthiest life you actually enjoy“: I need to figure this out – I went from doing too much to doing too little; too much emphasis on fitness & exercise and not enough on food. I’m fabulous as black and white…not so good with shades of grey
- “The more weight you’d like to permanently lose, the more of your life you’ll need to permanently change“: Weight loss is not my job and this has been a hard idea to embrace. I want to work and work and work at it until it’s done but its never going to be ‘done’ and when I realized that (June was a tough month) I gave up because I was tired of getting up everyday and fighting until my head hit the pillow at night (or the metaphorical brick well I kept running into).
- “Reality isn’t reality television, and it most certainly does include chocolate“: But not too much chocolate (ahem, Sara)
I have been using my FitBit for two weeks now and I love it, I mean aside from the fact that it’s telling me just how many things I’m doing wrong. Like not getting in enough steps a day (an average of 7000); like eating too many calories (over 2000 a day); like not getting in enough high intensity physical activity.
I have had a FANTASTIC summer with my family but I’m finished with making excuses that I will start tomorrow. I will lose the five pounds I’ve gained by aiming for at least a 500 calorie deficit each day either by eating less, exercising more, or both. I will go to personal training, which I love, I will run (I got in two runs this week!), and I will head back to the fitness classes I have fun going to. Less focus on goals, more focus on making this a sustainable lifestyle. Because of this ”If you don’t like the life you’re living, you’re not going to keep living that way” there is a good chance the 50 pounds I’ve lost could slip through my fingers and I don’t want that to happen.