Finding the Real Deal – Sabby

They say that losing weight can be one of the hardest things a person can undertake.

I dunno, I always thought having babies, graduating from post-secondary school, starting a new career or moving far away from home… Those would be bigger, heavier, harder things. Heck, learning to walk after a crippling accident, or beating Cancer are monumentally more difficult than dropping a few pounds, right?

But, here I am, 30-something, two beautiful children, a hot husband, a great career and fabulous support network… and yup… Losing weight has been the hardest <bleeping> thing I have ever done. Who knew?

I should likely introduce myself. I go by a handle in this wonderful multicolour world of the Internet. My name is Sabby (long story on that, I’ll tell you over a beer someday). I have lived in Ottawa since 2008, having both my beautiful children here. I grew up around these parts too. So, I guess you could say I am a local.

As I mentioned, I am a mom, a wife, a career woman, and a successful human in all respects except one (according to society, not me, cuz I rock, y’all). I am overweight. Yes, yes, I know, stop composing the indignant letter now telling me that labels suck, and I am beautiful the way I am. Thank you, really, but I am not shying from the description.

I am fat.

So yeah… Here I am. Over the past year, I have been working at losing this weight, losing the shame, losing the guilt, and losing the weakness I see in my body when I look at pictures. Yes, horribly defeating, thinking those things of myself, feeling those negative emotions in my body. Learning not to think those is part of the process too! Positivity and self-esteem are also major, major achievements in the road to weight loss and health. Workin’ on it… *flex*

Last year, I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life. I was beginning to use the word “hate” to describe myself around the kids. I shut myself away, stopped socializing, and was prepared to simply exist for my children. You can read a rather full backstory on my own blog Mustang Sabby, where I talk mostly about my running, my nutty ideas, and the adventures therein. Seriously… Check it out! Fun times, and I love seeing my hit counter go up. *shameless plug*

My weight and fitness level hit home last Spring, when simply existing wasn’t enough anymore. I wanted to do and have things for me, but couldn’t remember how to accomplish them, or couldn’t find my size in stores. I did not fit down the slide at the park with my son, so avoided it, and picking up my daughter was something I abhorred doing.

Who hates playing with and picking up their own wee kids? Uh huh, I was in that place.

Physically, my joints and muscles were like jello, my body reacting to my last pregnancy by continuing to produce Relaxin (a hormone used to soften ligaments for childbirth, but can continue into the first year of motherhood) well after my daughter was born. Exercising was not allowed, as per my doctor (which made the negativity and weight gain easier to rationalize). He worried about me hyper extending something and hurting myself. No kidding. Walking hurt. Exercise? *cue hilarious laughter*

When I stopped breastfeeding full time, and went back to work (meaning I started talking to adults again), my joints stopped popping and snapping like Rice Krispies, and a I had a surge of energy. Holy Crap! It made the wallowing seem ridiculous and wasteful. I realized how bad a role model I was being for my kids. How taxing this must be on my husband. How much I had strayed from my authentic self.

The fog had lifted. I faced myself with a new eye. I had gained weight. I had lost fitness. I was a big, hot, mess.

I didn’t want to be that anymore.

So last year, with my husband (who had also put on significant sympathy weight… Yeah, we’ll go with that), I started exercising again. A month after that, I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes (good timing, body, cuz really…). It was really, really difficult to put it all together and change. But we now had to, it wasn’t a whim, it was a matter of life or… Well, crappy, shorter life. Eating, running, learning to say no to food I shouldn’t have, discovering my emotional eating habits… All while continuing to be a parent to two young children, maintain a full-time career, love a husband (whom I wanted to stay married to), a home to take care of…

It was nuts. Completely, utterly nuts.

But… It is working. I am now down 40 pounds in total, shrinking from a size 22 to a 14. I am no longer on Metformin (for now). My husband has lost well over 50 pounds, is a Crossfit addict, and ran a half marathon recently. I have completed a few 10ks, and some obstacle mud races, including Tough Mudder and a Spartan Sprint.

So here I am, on the Losing it in Ottawa blog, telling y’all my story. I still have a long way to go. I still have a butt-tonne (pun intended) of weight to lose, and just like so many, I struggle every day with my nutrition and mental capacity around my health.

So why am I here? Why blog about it?

There is a group of women associated with this blog that have made all the difference in my life, and I could not have gotten to where I am today in my fitness and health journey without their support. I was introduced to them in July last year, and immediately found a place where I was understood. My struggles were their struggles. From there, I have made friends that I run with, get together to do yoga with, and celebrate with when we achieve amazing things. We all fight with ourselves to eat well, sweat every day, balance our nutrition, and keep our attitudes positive. We all have families, jobs, and commitments that make our lives chaotic.

The women here are the real deal. I want to add my voice, to empower this place, as well as reach out to others who are maybe looking for a nudge too. I want to contribute to a community online that has meant the world to me. I want to reinvigorate my journey, to get stronger and healthier.

They say that losing weight can be one of the hardest things a person can undertake. But with the right people cheering you on, it can get easier for you, and them.

So, here I am, to share and hopefully, to encourage someone like I was, last year.

Let’s do this.

Wordywort – Hello again

Hi (again). I blogged here on LIO from Fall 2011 to Fall 2012, but I gave it up when the blog community fizzled, so I’m very glad we’re getting things back together again. Let me give you a recap. I lost my baby weight plus a bit more, I started running – which is the first athletic thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, and I’ve proven that I can maintain my weight and my running schedule despite work, life, kid, weather, and the rest of the balancing act. In fact, I no longer consider myself fat. I am about ten pounds overweight, mostly carried in my belly and upper arms, but clothes fit me better. Most importantly, my triglycerides are finally in the normal range. (If all this sounds too positive or too easy, feel free to read my old posts about how hard it was to get here.) Having proven myself to myself, the questions I started this summer with included: Should I bother trying to lose this last ten pounds? Should I train for a fall half marathon? And how to deal with the fact that the fuelling (and hunger!) of race training can lead to weight gain, not weight loss? Now I think the decision has been made for me. Next time I’ll tell you my news.

It’s this, or take a photoshop course

It all started with a photo.

When we launched Losing it in Ottawa almost three years ago I talked about being a fat girl, and most of the sentiments written in that post are still true. That summer a photo was taken of me that others told me was great.  All I could see is that I didn’t look the way I wanted to look, or even the way that I feel I looked.

I lost 40 lbs in the six months following the launch of Losing It.  I felt good and I was proud of myself but I also struggled with many other things – including depression. Anti depressants came to the rescue but I also gained those 40 lbs back really quickly, partially due to the medication I believe, and partially due to a shift in my focus.

So now, 3 years and many many changes in my life later, I weigh about 5 lbs more than I did the first time I admitted to being a fat girl and I don’t want to feel that way any more. Again.

I am rejoining the Losing It community because it is an incredibly supportive one but even more than that, it’s a community that will push me and remind me that I’m doing this for a reason.

I want to be healthier, and I want to be happier.  And OMG I want to wake up in the morning and not feel like crap – I bet being healthier would help with that.

What’s the plan?

I signed up for an intro to Derby course. I started last Sunday and could barely walk for 3 days following that. If nothing else, my leg muscles will be stronger in 5 weeks!

To keep up in the course I want to try to jog around my block at least once a week between each course (I’d say more but it’s hard to jog when you can barely stand up

I’m making healthier choices with food (most of the time) and drinking more water.  I’m also working my way up to using MyFitnessPal again.

Me, now

I’m counting on you guys to cheer me on, and also probably heckle a bit, to keep me motivated.  I want some photos that make me feel good about myself and that’s really what this journey will be all about.  In that side shot, maybe we could aim for my belly ending where my fingertips do.  Doable?

Thanks for having me

This is my first post with Losing it in Ottawa, but I have been a follower since its inception. At that time I was nursing my 3^rd son almost non-stop and dieting was the last thing on my mind. Fast forward 3 years and I am done with nursing but carrying around an extra 40 pounds I would like to see gone.

Let me tell you a bit about myself as it pertains to this site. I don’t like to diet, I am not a huge fan of exercising (even though I understand the benefits it gives me, physically and emotionally). I LOVE FOOD!  I often refer to myself as lazy in that if I have to choose between cleaning my house and sitting with my iPad playing games, I’ll probably choose the iPad. Or if I have to choose between a walk and reading a book, I’ll choose the book. But the truth is; I am not really that lazy. I am just a busy mom (like there is any other kind!) who has blessed little time to herself. And when that time does present itself, I would much rather do something I love, than something I feel I have to do.

I have lost and gained weight many many times over the years. Most significantly I lost 40lbs using Weight Watchers in 2003. Not long after I met my goal weight I became pregnant with my 2^nd child. Needless to say I never saw that weight again. I do hope to get back to that weight (which for the record is 145lbs) but I am not tied to that goal. I over the last year and a half I have been reading and experimenting with diet and exercise and I realize that for me being fit and healthy may not mean being 145lbs. It is taking me a long time to divorce my desire to lose weight with my desire to get fit and be healthy. But I am working on it. After much experimenting I have decided that weight lifting is the approach I am going to use. In my next post I will go into details as to how I came to this decision and why.

Chantal is an IT QA Manager, wife and mother to 3 busy boys. She plays soccer once a week with a wonderful team of women in over 30 league and enjoys a good Strongbow cider after the games. Like everyone else, her life is crazy busy and she struggles to find time to exercise. She has an oft neglected personal blog – Two Hands Full

Erin: Setting specific and realistic goals

First impressions

I’m new here, so I’ll take a moment to tell you a bit about who I am.

My name is Erin; I’m 36 years old. I’m married, I don’t have any children¹. I moved to Ottawa in February of this year. I’m an independent virtual assistant. I love to cook, read and play games. I also sew, knit and crochet.

I am fat. I’m not saying that in a self-deprecating way. I’m not fishing for people to assure me that I am not fat. I don’t think I’m hideous, or unattractive, or undesirable. I just happen to own a mirror, and I’ve seen myself in it, and I’m not skinny or thin or average or muscular or athletic or big-boned or chubby or…

So, we’ve established that fat is just a word (and not a mean word or a bad word)

I carry most of this fat around my waist. I’m kind of shaped like a clown with a hoop sewn into the waistline of his/her costume. Alright, I’ll admit that is an exaggeration, but it isn’t a HUGE exaggeration. Did I mention that I’m funny? Because I AM funny. I just made that hilarious joke using the word “huge” to emphasize a point about how fat I am. Ha!

Photo credit: wallyir from morguefile.com
No, not quite what I–you know what? Close enough

While I don’t hate my body, I’m starting to find that my clothing options are limited by what will and won’t drape nicely over my ‘spare tire.’ I was really excited to sew some skirts for myself recently, and I was extremely disappointed when I tried them on and they looked terrible. For the sake of accuracy, they were beautiful skirts, but they looked terrible ON ME. I want those skirts to look just as beautiful on me as I had imagined they would when I was putting the time and effort into crafting them.

Setting specific and realistic goals

I know that one of the mistakes people make when setting goals is not being specific or realistic enough. I want to avoid setting a goal like “I want to be skinny” (too vague) or “I want to lose 125 pounds” (way too ambitious). These goals wouldn’t work for me anyway, because I honestly don’t really care about being skinny or weighing less than a certain amount.

What I care about is how my clothes drape on my body. Rationally, I understand that trimming away some of the extra inches at my waistline will achieve my desired results. However, I’m certain that setting a goal based on inches lost would not keep me motivated.

I don’t even own a scale, so I wouldn’t be able to monitor progress if my goal was losing a certain number of pounds per week or month or whatever. Besides which, I know that weight can be tricky and it fluctuates, and I also know that seeing my weight go up when I’m ‘doing everything right’ would discourage me.

So, I’m not going to tell you how many pounds or inches I want to lose; instead I’m going to tell you what I intend to do.

It’s time to hit the pavement

I intend to run (or, if we’re being entirely realistic, walk) once a day, every day.

Photo credit: dhester from morguefile.com
It’s time to hit the pavement

That’s it. I’m not going to set myself any targets in terms of time or distance. I’m just going to put on my shoes and hit the pavement. That’s my fitness goal. It’s specific, attainable, simple and easy to track.

And I want you to hold me accountable to it.

¹That’s entirely not true. I actually have a daughter. Her name is River. She died due to pregnancy complications on Easter Sunday, April 8, 2012. It sucks, but it happened, and while it definitely shaped me, it doesn’t define me.

Telling it like it is – Barbara

I wandered away from here for a few months while I was training for my first full marathon. Losing weight just wasn’t my priority – running took up a lot of time and energy and what little of either was left was spent on my husband and daughter. (Long suffering souls that they are.)

But I’m back and I’m refocusing. Changing my priorities. And I’m thinking a lot about priorities because of something I read somewhere online. (The Internet is a big place and I’m not so great with keeping track of what I read where.) In any case, the bit of wisdom is that we often say, “I don’t have time for a work out” when we are all allocated the same number of hours in the day. Some people make the workout a priority and others don’t. Those of us who skip the workout need to tell ourselves, “The work out is not my priority right now.” And then we need to listen to whether our conscience agrees.

Not having time - or constant “busy-ness” – is an epidemic in our world. Indeed, it’s a badge of honour. Who hasn’t answered, “Busy!” when asked how they are? Maybe it’s just me.

I’m drawing a line in the sand for myself. I might not get every planned workout in but I’m going to stop letting myself off the hook with the excuse of not having time. I’m going to tell myself that I’m not planning or preparing healthy meals, recording my meals in MyFitnessPal, not working out, not commenting on this blog because I’m not taking these actions – which I know to be key to my weight loss and fitness – I haven’t made them a priority. Or maybe I’ll do all of these things because I don’t like the idea of having to admit that I’m not living true to my priorities.

Tale of the scale

I weighed myself today. I’ve gained 12.5 pounds back since I hit my goal weight. My waist measurement is definitely not what I wanted to see. (It turns out these are the measures I most care about.)

Moving it

I have my last swimming lesson tonight. I’ll need someone to invite me to swim laps with them – or meet after said laps for a tea – to keep this activity up. I have runs scheduled and a bike to pickup and re-learn to ride this week. Also, I need to finally start strength training. No pressure, eh!? It’s good that losing weight is now a priority…

Here we go again

For the past year, I have been focusing on reviving my love of exercise. After too many years of looking after others and ignoring myself, I have been finally allowing myself that time; 3 or 4 times a week, where I can take care of myself to help ensure there is enough of “myself” to go around for a long, long time. I have learned to love my runs (let’s face it, aside from the occasional bootcamp or yoga, it has mostly been running) and have a physical YEARNING for them if I miss one.

Now, I really REALLY need to get back on the weight loss wagon. Becasue as much as people can tell me I look good and my body has been changing… I still need to accept the fact that no matter how physically fit I am, 220 lbs will never EVER be “healthy”.

Wow. I did it. I wrote it down.

I have at LEAST 50-60 lbs to loose and I need to buckle down and get ‘er done.

In the past, weight watchers has worked for me. Sadly, financial restrictions make that an impossible option at this moment so I am looking at this blog to keep me accountable and HONEST.

I am eating too much of the wrong foods and this should be a relatively easy equasion to solve. Eat less and avoid the “bad foods” (chips, chocolate, grease, processed “quick” foods…). I know there will be bumps, and I also know I will occasionally have some of those foods… it just CAN.NOT be a regular go to thing.

I have done this before and CAN do this again. Will you help keep me honest?

me (on the left) with a friend after running the Color me Rad race in Montreal on June 9, 2013